If you’re separating and you have children, this is probably one of the first questions on your mind. The short answer is: children are not automatically shared 50-50. But in practice, equal parenting time is common, if it works for the child.

Here’s what you need to know.

In most separations both parents remain guardians of their child. From that starting point, a 50-50 parenting arrangement is common, but it’s never presumed. The law doesn’t treat equal parenting time as the default. The only question that matters is what arrangement is in the child’s best interests. “Best interest of the child” is not just a legal phrase. It’s the lens through which every decision about parenting arrangements must be made.

If parents can’t agree on a parenting arrangement and the court has to decide, here’s what a judge will be looking at:

• The child’s health and emotional well-being
• The child’s own views (where appropriate)
• The relationships the child has with important people in their life
• The history of who has been caring for the child
• The child’s need for stability, given their age and stage of development
• Each parent’s ability to meet the child’s needs
• The impact of any family violence on the child’s safety and well-being
• Whether requiring parents to cooperate would create any risks
• Any relevant civil or criminal proceedings

Any parenting arrangement must protect the child’s physical, psychological, and emotional safety, security, and well-being.

Each family is different, and therefore court has to hear evidence from the parents and other witnesses about all of these factors before making a decision. There’s no formula to apply,  just a careful look at this particular child’s life.

It’s worth knowing that parents don’t actually have any parenting rights under the law. What parents have are parenting responsibilities and parenting time. The distinction matters. The focus is always on what the child needs and not what each parent feels entitled to. Keeping in mind that neither parent has “parenting rights” makes a discussion about parenting arrangements more likely to reach an agreement that serves the child’s needs.

In some situations, only one parent is a guardian. In that case, the guardian parent has parenting time, and the other parent has what the law calls contact with the child, a more limited form of involvement.

It’s almost always better for the parents and for the child if you and your ex can work out a parenting arrangement together. You know your child and their particular needs and a judge doesn’t. An agreement about parenting arrangements can be very flexible and nuanced where a court order can be blunt.

The legal process is slow, expensive, and increases stress levels, which in turn is hard on children. An agreement you reach together, with your child’s needs genuinely at the centre, will serve your family far better than one imposed by a court.